All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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