matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
