just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He better not be in your backpack
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
