I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize