Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
