I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
