Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
