After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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