sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
