Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
