sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
