I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
