Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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