I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
