So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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