Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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