so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
