last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
