He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize