Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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