You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
