I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
do herpes really smell.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
