Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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