One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
