he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
