are you still at the devil's house?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
