When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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