just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
