I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
