Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
