It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
