I am in a vortex of obligation.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
