At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
