I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If that was your dad, he is hot
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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