I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
