I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
