I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize