We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
