Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize