So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
