Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Enjoy the penises
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
