i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
