Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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