how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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