if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I love you.
Bad choice
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
