I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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