Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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