1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
