I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize