but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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