I'm drive I can fine osifer
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
