I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
