My hair reeks of homosexuality.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
