Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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