i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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