Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
