Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
not ubering you a puppy
how drunk are you?
Several
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
