her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
