she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
