Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
