I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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