i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
