I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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