I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Randomize
