do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
