his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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