I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
