Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
