I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
