If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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