Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
