The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Randomize
