My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
