Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize