There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
