I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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