I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
