last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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