My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You can't motorboat a personality
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
